Wait, wait wait wait—hear me out.
Usually I write here about a movie because something good—even if crude—has brought me joy. That is indeed still true today. Well, the latter part about bringing joy.
Look, not everything I talk about is going to be a cinematic masterpiece or involve erudite literary references. And today we have indeed got some proper B movie schlock.
I have a weakness for lousy movies, especially when unwinding and turning off my brain. 1983’s Hercules starring Lou Ferrigno is a spectacular example. That’s the spirit I anticipated when Rocktapussy unexpectedly blew me away.
To give it its full title, Astonishing Tales of Terror: Rocktapussy! (2022) is about a reckless newswoman and a down-on-his-luck mine worker who get trapped underground after an accident involving industrial lasers. Lurking belowground is a more-or-less Lovecraftian octopus monster which lords it over various other baddies as well as the ruins of a forgotten cult.
As the title suggests, this film is extremely stupid. Yet, it’s also surprisingly good.
For example, the Indiana Jones flashback opening transitions into a large-breasted woman dancing on a stripper’s pole whilst wearing barely any clothing. This dance progresses during the opening credits, and concludes with a twist—the dancer is actually news anchor Hunter Hazelton, and we’ve just witnessed her live recording busting a corrupt Mayor in a strip club.
This self-conscious spirit pervades the humor of Rocktapussy. It’s a film which relishes straightforward crude jokes and simultaneously plays with subverting them. Hunter is a classic Barbarella–esque B movie bimbo—but she’s also a reckless, strong-willed woman who takes charge of her own destiny. Indeed, to the point that this is presented as a character flaw!
Interested in checking out my own Big Dumb Monster work? The Quacken is loosely inspired by 1981’s Clash of the Titans. Its name-sake is probably my favorite Big Dumb Monster I’ve written for RuneQuest.
What makes this movie work is the suspiciously good dialogue and characterization amidst lowbrow plot and deliciously cheesy effects. The film dances a razor-thin line between humor and drama, between The Bimbo and The Hero. Despite Hunter’s flaw of recklessness, Rocktapussy successfully presents her character growth avoiding becoming merely The Bimbo, submissive and cheerful.
The plot itself is not exactly complex, but neither would I call it tedious. The other characters receive just enough attention to make them interesting. It’s rare that a B horror film lets you get to know characters before it starts killing people off. That’s another reason Rocktapussy caught me by surprise. By pacing itself with a mixture of sexual banter and character comedy in the first act, the “gore comedy” (essentially) of the later film manages to have some weight.
Rocktapussy is not High Art. It is not trying to be High Art, nor should it. What the film is, however, is just about the perfect B movie. Stupid and silly and sexy, and then it sucker-punches you with a bit of sentiment. Put another way, it’s a movie called freaking Rocktapussy that I’m willing to publicly say I liked.
If that doesn’t attest to it being worth an hour and a half of your time, then what is?
If you like B movies and don’t have kids to walk in, Rocktapussy is worth watching. If you don’t like B movies, well, there’s nothing in Rocktapussy that you’re missing. It’s well above average for a B movie, but it’s still fundamentally that type of film.
The main elements which distinguish it from movies like Hercules or Sharknado is that Rocktapussy actually has some heart. In that regard, it’s a bit comparable to Troll 2—infamously regarded as the “best bad movie” of them all. Both Trolls 2 and Rocktapussy subjectively feel as though made by people genuinely interested in what they’re making. While tongue-in-cheek, Rocktapussy lacks the nonchalance common to many similar films. There’s a sense that those involved were interested in making a real movie from a very silly idea and with a middling budget.
And there’s something beautiful about that, in its own messy, crude, and ridiculous way.
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